I hope you enjoyed Claude McKay’s poem. You can see it again here…
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/features/video/289
Please share your thoughts on the poem with us in the comments section below. Also feel free to share your list poems with us too.
I hope you enjoyed Claude McKay’s poem. You can see it again here…
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/features/video/289
Please share your thoughts on the poem with us in the comments section below. Also feel free to share your list poems with us too.
Screaming fans and cheering and scoring goals
united the crowd and excitement around
And scarffs and hats and my seat
Fit for a football fan
Hi Blendi,
You used McKay’s technique of lots of “ands” really well to convey the excitement of a football crowd.
The Enjoyment of Disneyland Paris
Delicious smooth chocolate sauce and mouth watering pancakes.
Energetic bright orange juice and golden crispy toast.
Nice friendly aroma and everlasting smiles.
Everyone eating it for breakfast.
Families having fun on rides.
Fear getting destroyed everywhere.
Cheers increasing wildly beyond all limits.
Laughter spreading all over the place.
People crying for joy because of all the fun.
My heart becomes two parts one full of happiness and one full of sad.
The public departing and arriving at their homes.
At last were here but I was already missing Disneyland Paris.
HI Akash,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
A very moving ending with the heart of “two parts” and you capture a sense of longing effectively.
Buildings big and small,and pretty lights
filled in the city and people rushing
And working and driving and shopping ,
Fit for a day in London.
HI Tamira,
It’s great to see you sharing lots of poetry and experimenting with different techniques.
I hope you continue to do so.
Buildings tall and big and hot weather
peaple in marketsand grand malls
and hotels and bars and Burj Khalifa
Fit for the rich tourists from all around.
I think Claude Mckay is an amazing poet beacause he’s always thinking of different ways to inprove his poem ‘The Tropics in Ney York’ was a very touching poem because the language he uses is very beautiful (it almost made me cry) and i enjoyed working about him this week.
Hi Luca,
I’m glad you enjoyed the poem. If it almost made you cry then I think you probably understood it very well. I agree it’s very touching.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the poems too.
Winter in Scottland
Mountains icy and cold, and jagged edges
Snowflakes in snow and denting footprints,
And tracks and trains and exciting adventures,
Fit for people who enjoy a suprise,
Standing outside, building snowmen,
With woolen mittens on its pointed hands,
And grey clouds and misty skies,
Misguided snowflakes falling to the ground,
My legs grow weak, I can stand no longer,
Inside with a mug of hot chocalate,
And I take a sip of my warm drink
Excited for tomorrow.
Hi Jodie,
I really enjoyed your poem. I think you may have a way with words as your phrases make a wonderful sound. I think the opening line is very powerful with the harsh sounds … this is known as dissonance. The “misguided snowflakes” are a memorable phrase too.
I look forward to seeing how your work develops.
Coconut trees and hot and girls
in white dresses and sunny beaches
and shorts and taxis and busy streets
Fit for a perfect day out.
Hi Serena,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
I think you capture the climate and heat of the setting in only four lines. Congratulations.
heres my poem
Oranges juicy,and fresh off the tree
Beaming sun and soft sand,and bull fighting,
And sparkiling sea water and fresh fish,
Fit for a perfect holiday
HI Amber,
Like Serena, you too convey the excitement, sights and sounds of Spain (?) in only four lines.
computer desks and staplers, and marker pens
equipment in drawers and customers calling
and boss and colleagues and snack bowls
Fit for the perfect working place
Entrance from the windows we used,
made origami ninja stars,
played outside with my friend
drank coca cola and ate a wonka bar
we tidied up and played a game,
a guessing one .We put our coats on
waited for my friends mum to finish talking
and then went home
Hi Alex,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
I think your first stanza works well describing the every day objects in a work place. The next two stanzas seem to jump to another theme… again a very interesting one but perhaps you could find a way to link your different stanzas together.
The Winter London
Soft snow and flakes, and making snowman,
Tree without leaves and coats on,
And happy and sad and girls with snowomen,
fit for the best Winter ever.
Sleeping in my bed “Dreaming”,
wishing about going outside,
Crying and begging and wishing,
still having to dream of going outside.
Bursting into tears I do,
coughing while not wanting to,
my eyes closed and I slept,
turned myself to the window and crept.
Hi Jorge,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
A moving poem that captures the excitement a child (?) feels when snow falls. I think it builds to a powerful final stanza.
Party and old Memories
Party Games and running foot steps
and different people limbs are dancing
to the music and family and friends
come to a party with joy and smiling
faces and laughter with fun and giving
party bags and saying goodbye fit for
the highest prize at the surpise party
I looked at the window and bringing
memories of my favorite party things
that i liked to do on my birthday and
i can’t help it ,it was only hope having
a birthday party but i was so upset
that other people are having there
on birthday party
My eyes was going to be a bit
dim and i can’t see any parties
any more i went away and i wept
HI Theresa,
I like the way you used parts of McKay’s structure but decided to add to it and change it to your own needs.
What do you think you gained by lengthening the stanzas?
sandy shores and shiny and coconut milk
vines hanging and wind blowing
and sun water and strong waves
fit for a beach lover
cold alleyway and darkness and fresh eggs
tall offices and chili breezes
and gigantic farm of wheat
fit for a person like you and me
HI Fardeen,
A very clever idea to have two contrasting stanzas.
It leaves us with the question why the “cold” setting of stanza two suits us better?
Sea cool and salty, and blue skies
Beatiful turtles and lovely macaroni cheese,
And fabulous stars in the sky and burning heat and yellow sand,
Fit for a fantastic you!
Hi Arianna,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us. You make us feel the excitement and wonder of the place you are describing.
burning sand and calm water and gazebo being set for shade and beautiful water my
amazing breath and icecream and sunbeds and sun beating on my hot skin.
HI Jaiden,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us. The “beating” sun is a vivid description.
Why did you decide to use a continuous line and not use line breaks?
What does it add to your poem?
Water cool and refreshing and fruits nice
Markets with kiwi and nutious oringis
And mums and dads and chilldren
Evreybody has enjoyed the sun
Hi Morgan,
Thank you for your poem.
You’ve created a happy scene.
Thank you sir
Jumeirah beach
Green weeds and blue water and yellow burning sand and delicious burgers and taste of salt and brightness from the warm sun.
and relaxing deck chairs and the half hotel in water
fit for a 7 star.
Hi Priyanka,
I like your use of colours in the first line.
I was wondering why you decided to not add a link break after sand?
Beaches turquoise and green,
And colourful fish
Sunset in the west and
Sunrise in the east
And happiness and joy and freedom,
Fit for a flying bird.
Sat on the shores, bringing memories
Of lava hidden behind
The happiness, and dark skies, and smoke
Buried deep inside the vomiting volcano.
Hi Selin,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
I like the contrasts in your poem “east”, “west”, “happiness” and “dark skies”. The final image makes us rethink your poem.
A rock
T [i
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Hot Water and Sun and Crowded beach
People in water and boiling sand
And Peirs and Rides and Fun Feeling.
Laying in the sand, looking away
People everwhere around me
And cold wind and golden sand
In my soft and dry hands.
My body is hot and i could not take it
A wave of wind went throught my body
And I could not handle it anymore
So i got up and ran.
HI Alexandra,
An interesting poem. I’m left wondering what has changed for the speaker of the poem by the end that causes them to run?
Blocks green and blue, and squares red
Stack a block and minifigure stand
And legs and body and yellow head
Fit for rides at Legoland
Finally arriving at the car park
Get out the car, hand tickets in
The rides are fun, with not a mark
Now we’re here, let the fun begin
Getting wet on down the slope
Out of loads of things to do
when you go fast, it’s quite hard to cope
Or maybe, you’ll just say YAHOO!!
Thank you for sharing your poem Jack.
You convey the excitement of a trip to Legoland. At the start I thought you were going to describe a Lego set … that would be an interesting challenge.
The beach
Golden sand and endless tides,
happy families and ice creams,
and sand and cold waters,
fit for anyone from anywhere.
Sat outside, smiling happlily
at families playing by conteneted tourists
and happy times and beautiful sunsets
in joy over many obstacles.
My sight goes blurry and I can no more see,
a knife of sadness through my body stabbed.
And sad,until the next time,
I turn my head away and wait.
HI Bertie,
Like Alexandra’s poem we’re left wondering why the sudden change? What memories has the speaker stumbled upon that has provoked this change?
Grandma’s House
Flowers rosy and red and trees as green as green as a leaf, BBQ smelling of spicy meats and vegtables crackling, hearing birds twerp and smelling the red and blue and green flowers blossom. Sitting on the warm beach chair with my cousin on my lap we can smell a beautiful desert fit for me and you.
By Paris Year 6
Hi Paris,
Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I like the way your poem appeals to a number of different senses e.g. taste, smell and sound.
It can be a useful way to structure a poem.
Eye Catching Thorpe Park
Thorpe Park’s rides and horror’s and the crazymaze
In the dark and slippery water slides and fantastic
High rides and noise all around and magnificent atmosphere
And without a doubt Fit for a 5 star rating.
Hi Ibrahim,
The use of “ands” works well to create a tone of excitement for the Theme Park.
Keep on working hard on your poetry.
Night skies and the shimmering sun,
Around “Allah’s” house are hundreds and hundreds of people surrounding it.
Across the river and under the tunnel,
Is the prophets grave where i was born.
Juicy fruit squirting into my mouth,
Mangos, peaches, strawberries and lemon,
All ripe and ready to buy from the shops.
Photo shots and secret settings,
Cameras, benoculars, and Mosque’s where we pray.
Presents and prizes and sweets too,
Pancakes, and, cupcakes, is what we are into.
Hi Sarah,
I think this is a very interesting poem with some lovely descriptions. At times it seems like two poems in one?
I wonder if you might create two interesting poems from this: one on Allah’s house and one on food?
Tropical Jamaica
Sugar cane sweet and juicy and Avacado
pear ginep in a green soft shell and sour
passion fit for the highest prize at perish fairs
Hi Tirell,
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us. The items you pick all create a sense of the exotic….
Keep on working hard on your poetry.
I will keep on sharing my poem i hope you like my next one. 🙂
PERFECT WORLD
If I could describe a perfect world
I would describe it like this
In a perfect world
there will be lots of perfect people
and its also the most exciting planet
To live in!
A perfect world has
perfect people, perfect health
Perfect nature and perfect education!
In a perfect world
you get to be yourself
and go through every adventure
or even a mystery!
In a perfect world
everybody would get along
and you would have enough money
to buy whatever you want and
anything your family want!
In a perfect world
you would be a V.I.P.
there would be no boring old days
there would be happiness around the world!
In a perfect world
you would travel the world
with no stress in your life
No one would smoke!
In a perfect world
there would be no dishonesty
no one likes a liar!
In a perfect world
you would live in peace
with no accidents
No ambulances at the midnight
or at dawn
In a perfect world
no one would be rude
everybody would share with everyone.
In a perfect world
everybody would love each other
and be kind!
Hi Serena,
It’s good to see you experimenting with your own form of poetry. Using a refrain – a saying you repeat – is a good way to organise your poem.
Keep on experimenting and see what interests you ….
love it my perfect world would be beinf=g ritch but you just changed my mind thanks rena
love it you changed my mind about money and being ritch thanks rena
nice work
Uncouth, unschooled in art,
that’s what you’ll say of me,
You know, I’ve tried so hard,
but I still have to see
da Vinci’s Mona Lisa’s mythic,
mystic smile
bewitching folks allegedly
even from a mile.
It looks to me she parts
her lips so daintily
to let a drunken hiccup out
so gracefully,
or stop a vulgar burp,
hyperacidity,
or hide those nicotine-blackened
teeth artfully.
But honestly, nothing in her
mouth’s symmetry
remotely resembles a smiling
mystery,
perhaps she’s toothless, some
dental deformity,
believe you me, I took up
ortho-dentistry!
Hi Naz,
Thank you for sharing this but remember this part of the blog is for poems you write yourself.
If you’d like to share a poem by someone else -like the one above – then please post it in the poems you like section.
Thanks.
BEING 10
Rappin’
Riding my bike down a hill (SKID)
Playing my PSP in bed
Watching my baby brother grow up
Spotting Porsches with my brother
Washing my hair
Playing the guitar
Snowball fights and hot choclate
Best of all , Football
EPIC!!!!!!!!
This poem is based on the Claude Mckay poem .
Ilike it and I hope you do. Thanks.
Stories far and wide, and guards ready to shoo you away.
And meze galore and sand and sea
Fit for families looking for a delightful holiday.
Poor Country and a Country growing and succulent tropical fruits and a statue in a City that rhymes with bio and a Country full of delight and a Country full of lights at night, and a place with grateful spirit and full of mystery and beautiful sea, where all the celebrations will always be.
Goats fluffy and white and horses brown and cows and sheep and carrots and potatoes and cabbage, all priceless things I am lucky enough to have.
Yellow taxis and black coconuts, trees and green bananas, and tangerines and mangoes and grapefruit, fit for the lowest prize at the parish fair.
Boiling hot and sunny, and pyramids with hidden identities and sand that flows through your feet, fit for a person who likes scorching places and history.
White flakes and rocky hills, and Christmas trees forever lasting, boards of wood flying down and the beasts of the night, and deaths and survivors and lost in the wild, fit for the best boarders in the World.
Games
Finlay Carney Thompson
Space race and monopoly and snakes and a few ladders and cards and conkers and apple bobbing. Fit for winners
Desserts
Chocolates small and large, and juicy raspberries
Fudge in jars and caramel pie
And sweets and toffee and lolly pops and ice cream
All fit for a grand party.
St. Lucia
Green pears and beaches and blue seas
tropical winds blow and nice people
and smiling and laughing and love
and kindness and calm night
fit for St. Lucia its self
by kayla
Week 2-Claude McKay
New York Fantasy
Street lamps and mansions and concrete jungles, buildings from glass and sweet shops
And zoos and gum and a statue
A town built for industries.
Week 2
Demon Dentist
Torture, pain and evil, and demons that run the local dentist and stealing teeth and collecting and selling and stealing more,
Fit for evil.
My poem
Sky blue and cloud grey
Red blood bad and grass green
And happy and sad and feeling
Good
Fit for: The world
So hungry
By Che
I hear the words from a child while I wait in the wild
The gentle breeze blows the ease of a lovely roast dinner
I am so poor I am so hungry all I want is some money.
Anything will do
A penny or two
Will keep me alive and help me survive.
Jumeirah beach
Green weeds and blue water and yellow burning sand
and delicious burgers and taste of salt and brightness from the warm sun.
and relaxing deck chairs and the half hotel in water
fit for a 7 star.