Your Poems 2013 Week 1

Please share your poems with us here.

We’re looking forward to reading them.

Remember you can leave feedback for other students too. If you do:

Focus on the positives.

Provide specific praise: e.g. “I like your use of line breaks” rather than “It’s the best poem ever”

162 thoughts on “Your Poems 2013 Week 1

  1. As the sun (red
    and shining)
    rose (like a flower).the
    birds.(stunning
    like always).started tweeting

    Trees (big and tall).were
    swaying in the (strong).breeze
    as squriwells were. scavenging
    the (magnificent . falling). acorns

    1. Hi Fardeen,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
      I like the way you’ve used brackets to add extra meaning to lines. I think you’re use of “rose” in line 3 is very clever. It relates to the sun in line one but also works as a pun that links to the simile involving the flower.

      The first stanza is very powerful and vivid.
      Congratulations on your first poem.

    2. Buildings, big and white and running tracks, and basketball courts and BMX tracks, and single-decker bus tours, and a big office and wonderfully nice people! , fit for ANYONE in training.

      i wonder if anyone can guess where i am!

      i really enjoyed reading a poem by Claude McKay because when we read the poem it made us think of the surroundings and it made us think of what we had to think of. when we had a go at writing our own it was quite cool.
      thanks for reading my version of McKay’s poem!!

    1. Hi Serena,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
      I’m sure Cummings would have liked it. The way you spread the “ing” across lines works very well. I really like the swirling one the word reflects the action in a similar way to how Cummings uses “falling”.

      Every word counts in your poem and the short lines work really well. The only question I have is if you need “And” and “(Autumn)” at the end. Sometimes it’s worth considering what your poem would be like if you left something out.

      Very promising work.

    1. Hi Luca,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
      I like the powerful start with the “explosion” of colour and the contrast with the “cold” air. The splitting of “explosion” across two lines works really well.

      I wonder if “before” was the best word to split in your second stanza. How might you have altered the word “sway”.

      Look forward to seeing more of your poems soon.

    1. Hi Alex,

      You’ve used Cummings approach to impressive effect. The splitting of the word “trickled” works brilliantly as it creates two further words “trick” and “led” which adds further meaning to your poem.

      You’ve created a subtle and clever poem here in very few words Alex. Congratulations.

    1. Hi Jorge,

      It’s interesting to see you mimic Cummings’ style to such good effect. You keep his structure yet the change of words adds a different feel to the poem. I’m left wondering why the little splash falling creates sadness. Have you thought what the story behind this poem might be?

    1. Hi Blendi,

      You’ve changed what I see as a slow poem by Cummings into a quick one with the actions of “roll” and “kick”. It works really well and I like the last line being longer reflecting the size of the net. Why did you put the two “ll” in ball in brackets?

    1. Hi Ridua,

      Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

      It’s good to see you experimenting with your line structure. Do you think it would improve your poem if you kept some words together while splitting others? For example spider and apple?

  2. Blue birds tweeting in the
    morn
    ing
    sun

    Wind blowing the leaves from the
    tree
    S
    s
    s
    s

    White cobwebs (aut) glued
    from tree to tree

    The moon
    ris
    ing (umn)
    up in the sun set
    (lea)

    Petals slowly
    fall
    i
    n
    g
    of the colourful flow
    ers
    pine
    cones (ves)
    S
    s
    s
    s (lots)
    dro
    pp
    in
    g
    dead
    on
    the
    leafy (of)
    grou
    nd
    d
    d
    d (leaves)
    Autumn
    Autumn
    Autumn

    1. Hi Maria,

      This is a promising poem. It’s great to see you experimenting with parenthesis, line breaks and repetition. I feel you’ve really considered where and why you’ve used line breaks. I particularly like your second stanza and the different size “S” you use to show falling.

      I look forward to reading more of your work soon.

  3. Birds stand
    ing
    on rotten branches
    (leaves spread all over on the concrete ground)

    Trees emp
    ty
    as a hollow tube
    (vibrant colours painted onto the leaves)

    Feathers sway
    ing
    back to back
    (birds singing with pure voice)

    Animals giv
    ing
    birth to natures gifts
    (crops getting harvested by farmers)

    Vegtables grow
    ing
    fast as seasons changing
    (birds tweeting peacefully)

    Leaves fall
    ing
    slow as a slug
    (myst fading away

    1. Hi Akash,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

      I like the way you’ve used a regular pattern in your stanzas to structure your poem e.g. short line in line 2, brackets line 4, 4 line stanzas. You also have a powerful turn of phrase. I like your use of similes “as a hollow tube” which contrasts starkly with the “vibrant colours”.

      Keep working hard on your poetry throughout the course.

  4. Whom (the)
    (on) I (corrupted)
    Will (with)
    Find have been
    Evil. Will
    I (wi
    ll fi
    nd) (the)
    my tru
    love thing
    is on
    horizon

    1. Hi Kidus,

      Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

      It’s good to see you experimenting with brackets and line breaks. I like the ending of your poem with the idea of “true love..on horizon”. It leaves us wondering it they’ll ever find it.

      Keep up the hard work.

    1. It might be fun to read your poem to dubstep music … I wonder how you would read the brackets… what speed, tempo?

    1. Hi George and Matthew,

      Your poem is a bit of a puzzle. I’ve spotted “sleeping pig” and “field with no shield” but I think there are other words there too I haven’t spotted…
      What are they?

    1. Hi Kidus,

      It’s good to see you so keen to share your poetry.

      Again I like the ending of your poem with “the field of roses” and it’s certainly mysterious. I’m left wondering who is the “one” snoring?

    1. Hi Melisanur,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

      Your poem is like a puzzle too. I like the contrast between the sea and the sun at the end… I’m left wondering if the sun is shining in the sea or the sea is shining in the sun?

    1. HI Salma,

      I’m really glad you enjoyed creating the poem. I know what you mean about “putting” it together…

      It’s good to see you playing with words and structure.

    1. Hi Ridhwan,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
      I can see the words “a” and “King” in your poem. What other words were you using?

  5. I love E cummig’s poem. I really think the poems was amazing and its very cool.
    I have made my own poem and I hope you like it.

    C (c
    Ol
    D
    I
    Ce)
    Ool

    1. Hi Sabirah,

      I’m pleased you like Cumming’s poem. I think he’s a very interesting poet. You can give your thoughts on his poem if you go to “The Poems” tab and Week 1.

      I like your poem. The delay of “ool” from the first c makes us focus on the sound … I also like the way you’ve broke the words “cold” and “ice” up… did you notice you also made dice?

  6. i thought E Cummings’ poem was really interesting and made you think it was like putting pieces of a puzzle together
    Mou
    (at
    De
    At
    Hs
    Door
    Cr
    Yi
    ng)
    rnfull

    1. Hi Janet,

      I agree Cumming’s poem is like a puzzle… you can tell us more about it if you go “The Poems”, Week 1.

      I like your poem. It has a very different tone to most of the other ones shared. When I read “Mou” I had no idea what was to follow but by the time I reached the last line it makes sense.

  7. Hello my name is Rocher the first time we started E commings I was a bite confused but then Igot the hang of it I am realy ingoing this here is my own poem.
    sca(a
    gir
    l
    ha
    s
    lost
    he
    r
    mu
    m)red

    1. Hi Rocher,

      Yes it does take a while to work out Cumming’s meaning. Do you think it was a good idea for him to structure his poem this way or would it have been better if it was more simple?

      I like your poem…I like the way you’ve split “scared” so the last word in your poem is “red” which can also mean danger. Very clever.

  8. i enjoied puttng the pome together and wirteing my one becaue everyone had to put
    my one together.
    (
    A
    Lit
    G
    Tle
    irl
    h
    los
    as
    t
    he
    fam
    r)
    ily

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it Kacey. Playing with language can be fun.

      I enjoyed trying to piece your words back to together too.

    1. Hi Ciaran,

      I’m pleased you enjoyed the first poem. I hope you like the next 4 too.

      Your poem has a happy tone and feeling. I like the way your second and fourth line are similar and your fifth and sixth.

      Keep up the hard work.

  9. S(f
    as
    hio
    n
    &
    make up
    )tyle

    I really like E Cummings since he makes his poem into a kind of puzzle and changes his order and format.

    1. I’m glad you like Cummings poem and I think you’ve made a good attempt at a similar one yourself.

      Remember to think why am I splitting this word here? I think that’s what Cummings would have considered.

  10. h(f
    oun
    d
    a
    fri
    en
    d )
    app
    in
    ess

    I really enjoyed E.E cumming poem and it inspired me to make a poem just like his
    style but as well it was fun to do as a activity

    1. Hi Leah,

      I’m glad the poem inspired you. It’s good to see you experimenting with your structure.

      Why did you decide to split the word happiness after the H?

      1. Because I thought it should be more of a mystry insead of a a few word on top and it would the first word to complete

        1. week two,this is my second poem but it is from a diffrent person
          Comics and games and dancing and bright lights and children screaming and shouting and videos fit for happy evenings

  11. L(
    hil
    dr
    e
    np
    lay
    ing)
    aughter

    I like E Cummings because he makes his poem a mystery and he only has subtle clues.

    1. Hi Sumaya,

      Your poem has subtle clues too. It took me a while to realise the ( also counts as a C… I think it works well.

    2. Hi sumaya you have such a brilliant poem and you must do another poem because you just brightened it up

      from Leah

    1. you’re poem was so hard to understand and you have put a lot of conclusion in you’re poem but apart for that, it was brilliant

  12. Bo(
    do
    i
    ng
    home
    w
    or
    k
    al
    o
    nel
    re
    d
    I didnt like E.E.commings poem that much beacause it was hard to crack and it didnt make sense. But it was a bit fun to do.

    1. HI Xavier,

      Sometimes writing your own poem and then looking back at the original is a good way to understand a poem better.

      Did it help you when you created your own poem?

  13. R(L
    iv
    ing
    i
    nth
    e
    apartment
    )oyal
    I like E Cummings poem becuase it is realy confusing and it cathes people’s eye.

    1. Hi Zakaria,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

      You’ve chose a very different subject matter to the other poems shared. It’s helpful to have your own ideas and see where they lead you.

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us. The delay of warmth works really well and the reader feels a sense of contentment.

      Keep on sharing your poems with us.

    1. HI Remao,

      I’m glad you liked Cummings and it’s good to see you playing with language too. I like the way you could have a double meaning with “sea” especially if you heard the poem.

  14. ter
    (d
    th
    ea
    a
    de
    a
    e
    th)
    I liked cummings poem beacease it is like a puzzle game to have fun with and play around with.

    1. HI Semih,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

      I could make out the word death at the end. I’d like to understand your poem further. What other words were you using?

  15. I have written 2 poems:

    G(s D(c
    ma on
    rt fu
    an se
    d d
    ad an
    va di
    n n
    ce th
    d emi
    ) ddle
    eek of
    y nowhere
    )
    um
    b
    found
    ed

    i really like E.E cummings poem because it was a creative and own style of writing.
    it seemed like he was expressing himself and his feelings and opinion of the outside world. i liked the way that he described the atmosphere and his surroundings and in the poem we have looked at i liked the way that he decribed th outside nature.

    thanks for reading!

    1. Hi Ashleigh,

      You’ve clearly given Cummings’ poem a lot of thought. I agree he’s describing the outside world while also expressing himself and his feelings. Who or what do you think is feeling “loneliness” in the poem?

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the poem.

    1. HI Shanice,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

      I like the delay of kissing until we find out the setting of the poem.

      Keep up the hard work.

  16. Swirling (golden) leaves
    Bou
    ncy
    Squirrels taking.
    the crisp chest
    nuts
    Tree branches whist
    iling
    against the
    wind
    Rain (dr
    ops) beating
    upon the tang
    gled
    spider webs (aut)
    colour
    ful (crunchy)
    leaves sparkling (umn)
    in the moon
    light
    t
    t
    t
    t

    1. HI Sophie,

      Your poem seems very well thought out. Did you spend time considering it before starting to write?

      I like the “beating upon the tangled spider’s web”.

      Keep up the hard work and continue to share with us.

  17. Coconut drinks and bikinis, and ladies wearing
    grass skirts and hula dance
    And sun and moon and a beautiful sunset,
    Fit for a romantic honeymoon

    1. HI Maria,

      What a fantastic stanza. You bring the energy of Hawaii to us … I like your use of run on lines in line 2 as we find out what the ladies are wearing.

      A very promising piece of work. You should be proud of yourself.

  18. The wind. Howl
    ing
    thourgh the trees
    (sway
    ing
    against the wind)

    Leaves. Fall
    ing
    (cover
    ing
    the floor like a blanket)

    Robins. Flutter
    ing
    in the sky
    tweeting a
    melody
    (in the early
    morning)

    1. Thank you for sharing your poem with us Selin.

      I like your use of full stops to bring emphasis and create short dramatic phrases particularly the first one “The Wind”

    1. A very interesting poem Jay.

      The different stages of the leaves journey works well with the final phrase “landed” being powerful. I also like the way you split the word “slowly” to reflect the motion.

      I look forward to reading some more of your poems.

  19. Tree branches. Sway
    ing.
    (Golden red leaves. Fall
    ing)
    Until. Even
    ing.

    Autumn. Is at a begin
    ing.
    (Dry rain. Pour
    ing)
    Feathers. Fall
    ing.

    Birds. Tweet
    ing.
    (Birds feathers. Grow
    ing)
    In the. Morn
    ing.

    1. Hi Alexandra,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I like your phrase “dry rain”. This is known as an oxymoron. An oxymoron is when you put two contradictory phrases together.

      Another example would be “deafening silence”. Can you think or create any more?

  20. Natures. Nest I (SM)
    s
    s
    s full of sorrow (ILE)
    w
    w
    w

    As Autumn Night.
    t
    t
    t falls
    s
    s
    s (LO)

    Midnight Treats
    s
    s
    s as the wolfs
    s
    s
    s howls (VE)

    Birds Flying
    g
    g
    g high. (M)

    As your heart
    t
    t
    t becomes melencoly
    (E)

    Try not to cry
    y
    y
    y (Y)

    As the feathers
    s
    s
    s flow on your face (ou)

    Give me your sweet name
    e
    e
    e my dear (Aut)

    Look at you as
    s
    s
    s you are (umn)

    1. Hi Mia,

      I like your use of brackets. The use of me and you moves the poem beyond Autumn to also focusing on a relationship. I really like the idea of “Nature’s nest”…this is an example of personification.

      We look forward to reading more of your poems soon.

  21. Leaves fall in
    (Autumn)
    The golden world of
    (Autumn)
    Acorns and nuts roll in
    (Autumn)
    All birds tweet in
    (Autumn)
    Hedgehogs hibernate in
    (Autumn)
    Farmers harvest crops in
    (Autumn)
    Nature comes to life in
    (Autumn)
    The world goes red and gold in
    (Autumn)

    1. Hi Jack,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

      You’ve used a list poem to build up a picture of Autumn. The regular structure works effectively. Perhaps you could try experimenting with the structure next time. For example: what would happen if you changed the structure in the last two lines.

  22. Autumn

    There was an expl
    osion of (golden,) dry rain fal
    ling like shreds of wood.The
    dry rain rain falls everywhere,wherever you go it will al
    ways be following you.

    A figure sits, unoticed, unseen, invisible. This (heveanly) figure spreads her(wonderous,) beu
    ty. She floods the world with crunching blood red leaves. She comes this time every year.

    This
    (vibrant,) unoticed
    (astonishing) figure
    wa
    s(fantastic.)
    Autumn.

    1. HI Bertie,

      You make wonderful use of personification and I really like the contrasts in your depiction of Autumn as heavenly and embodying beauty but at the same time “crunching blood red leaves”.

      I think you could give further consideration to your use of line breaks especially in the middle stanza. Could you use line breaks more effectively here?

  23. Autumn breeze and damp and falling leaves red and brown and brisky stroll and fields and hats and wellington boots fit for Kingswood

    This poem is about a trip that we are going to on Sunday for 4 days.

    1. Hi Jay,

      I like your use of “and” to create a feeling of excitement.

      Did you chose not to use line breaks for a reason?

  24. Autumn
    Natures morning song
    Sur
    round
    ed
    the forest
    Natures morning breeze
    sur
    round
    ed
    the forest
    Autumn(a season of colours)
    Autumn(a season of harvest)
    Autumn(a season of nature)
    Natures afternoon harverst
    fill
    ed
    the forest
    Natures afternoon feist
    fill
    ed
    the forest
    Autumn(a season of nature)
    Autumn(a season of nature)
    Autumn(a season of colours)

    1. Hi Eurica,

      It’s good to see you experimenting with different styles within the same poem. I think your poem has a memorable opening.

      Did you consider using different stanzas to structure your poem?

  25. Autumn

    1 leave fall
    i
    n
    g
    [LON
    1 leave swirl
    i
    n
    g
    ELI
    1 leave chrunch
    i
    n
    g
    NESS
    1 leave red
    1 leave orange
    1 leave yellow
    1 leave gold

    1 branch sway
    i
    n
    g
    CO
    1 branch snapp
    i
    n
    g
    L
    1 branch fall
    i
    n
    g
    D
    1 branch light brown
    1 branch dark brown
    1 branch green and brown
    1 branch brown
    AUTUMN]

    1. Hi Rosie,

      Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I like your use of “ing” to reflect motion. The sudden explosions of colour seem to work well too.

  26. Wooden clogs and pretty tulips
    windmills up high and cosy cottages
    and Amsterdam and Rotterdam
    and Leiden fit for a small family.

    Sat in the cart,slowly dazing
    remembering the lake by the hills
    and sunset and the green grass swaying
    in unison over muddy terrains.

    My eyes began to water, it ran down my face,
    a shiver through my body swept
    and wishing for the old days
    I fell asleep and wept

    1. Hi Eurica,

      This is a fantastic poem. You should be very proud of yourself.

      You’ve used McKay’s structure but you’ve made it your own with the change of country and language. Like McKay you set the scene in stanza one but I think you handle stanza two which is more difficult very well. I really like the way the speaker is sat in a cart… it such a contrast to McKay’s original.

      Could I ask is this poem based on your experience or something imagined?

      1. Thank you Mr Walsh for your good coment and the poem is like E cummings. I hope you can solve my poem…good luck!

  27. The Sun was shining,the birds was singing and the wind was breathing quietly and very pretty the beautiful flower start to had life

  28. Week 2

    Ripe red mangoes on a hot summers day , and tangy passion fruits hanging on a long green vine, and dark green lemons stuck on a branch , concealed in leaves ,
    Fit for a tropical carnival.

  29. Week 2
    Juicy red water melons and bitter yellow lemons and fresh green shiny apples and lovely sweet strawberries.
    Fit for a great big market.

  30. Humid weather and cooling ice cream, and slippery rocks and deckchairs, and golden sand with wavy water and competitive sandcastles , and jolly people fit for a family holiday!

    Can you guess where I am? If so please reply and tell me what you think!

    I like Claude McKay because his format of style really makes me think that when a poet plans his poem he likes to alter every little bit so that it really stands out and becomes a one of a kind poem.

  31. i really like E.E cummings poem because it was a creative and own style of writing and it was fun to make one

    so to sum that all up i use EE.cumming poem as a frame

  32. That was a nice poem because you put one of the nice things in the world which is music as you said Well Done!!!

    from sara

  33. classroom

    Books and papers and pencils and tables and chairs and rulers and working books and pens and a board and whiteboards fit for children.By Samirah

  34. Week 2

    There`s sour balls and sweet lollies and fruity gum and chewy sweet food and fluffy candy and chocolate bunnies, fit for a child’s birthday party.

    Do you know my location of my poem?

  35. The Classroom
    Books and papers and pencils and tables and chairs and rulers and working books and pens and a board and whiteboards fit for children
    By Samira

  36. There is a counter when u go in there and there is vending machines and loads of stairs also there is escalators also there is loads of chairs with cup holders and there is a monumental TV’s fit for a day a tremendous day.

  37. Running machines, and weights, and sportsmen, and water bottles,
    Fit for strong people.

    I really enjoyed the lesson on last week. 🙂

  38. Week 2
    I thought the poem was really happy but when it ended it turned out it was really sad.I wrote my own:
    Festivals
    Children playing and women chatting and birds singing and
    dogs barking and everyone is laughing.
    Fit for the perfect day out.

  39. Lots of people, drinks and people chatting and tea, coffee and foods tables and chairs and different foods in different countries
    Fit for lunch and chatting

  40. There`s sour balls and sweet lollies and fruity gum and chewy sweet food and fluffy candy and chocolate bunnies, fit for a child’s birthday party.

    Can you guess my location of my poem?

  41. Ridhwan
    Sports make people fit and driving makes people lazy. So you should do run or jog to the place you want to go to.

  42. Foot massages and saunas and people with towels on and a steam room and hot rocks and people with cucumbers on their eyes fit for mums to relax.

    This is my version of Mcay’s poem

  43. Black seats and long silver chains, green grass and seats to relax and sand to play in, red and blue seats that go up and down, ice cream vans outside of the place.
    Fit for a sunny day

    I done this on week 2 the poets name is McKay.

  44. Week 2
    I thought the poem was amazing.Claude MCkay made a great poem.I loved how he was really excited.
    I wrote one myself and i hope you liked it:
    Fun
    Food and grass and flowers and lakes
    and trees and ducks.
    Fit for family time.

  45. There are lots of big screens and ipads, and computers and a teacher, and mouses and robots,
    fits for a smrt man.

  46. This is my poem! It is in the shape like ee.cummings poems. It is about what makes me happy! Hope you like it! 🙂
    R(Th
    e
    gar
    den
    ma
    kes
    m
    e
    hap
    p
    y)
    ose

    Here is another one.
    L(Make
    ing
    m
    y
    mum
    hap
    py
    a
    ls
    o
    ma
    ke
    s
    me
    ha
    ppy)
    aughter

    Thank you

  47. My mother is wonderful,
    And taught me to be brave,
    she’s very honest,
    And she has became a clever grown up woman,
    Her last words were have a good life.

  48. The symbol I chose is a question mark, because I am lots of different things that you cannot identify. Also I picked this because I think I cannot be described in one sentence, I am rolled up in one. Brave, clever, funny and outgoing takes the hidden place of the question mark.

  49. The symbol I chose is a crystal locket, because I am hard, shiny, lovely, respectble and s because I will keep your secrets safe.

  50. The symbol I chose is a bright light, because I’m bright, outgoing and helpful. And like a light I shine.

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